1 post tagged “love”

I realized I am long overdue for some reflection... Nothing too deep, I don't feel like writing a novel, but just something, more of a reference for me to think about all the things that have happened...

So, since this time last year, a lot has changed. At this time last year, Andrew was in Portland. I would receive a few messages from him a day at the least, telling me how he was house-hopping because the girl who offered him a home only said that to get him closer to her, and then she gave up on it all because he wasn't the type of person to be controlled. She wanted a relationship, and apparently assumed that him moving to Portland was to be with her, when that was never the plan on his part. So he was house-hopping, staying with complete strangers that she set up for him, a mobile home, a couch, a garage, etc. Eventually he found an amazing friend who I owe everything to for saving Andrew and keeping him safe, Shawn. He gave him a home to stay in, even though it was already full, he opened his doors to Andrew, kept him sane, kept him company, and kept him stable.

At that point in time I wanted Andrew back. Relationship-wise and back in California, because I knew he had no money there, and it was hard for him to get a life started out there when he went out there with 14 dollars in his pocket. I knew at this point he was probably safe, but he would never get anything started like that, being so unsure, feeling like he was taking up space, etc.

So anyhow, after that, in November, he moved back. And things were wonderful, for awhile. I was working at the thrift store, and we were doing just fine, hanging out together as much as we could, etc.

Drama and trouble started around new years, a tension grew and we were always on edge with each other. From then on it went downhill, we would have our moments of good and the overpowering times of bad. We fought a lot, constantly disagreed on everything, etc. I'm not sure why it went so bad, maybe because we spent too much time together and not enough with other people, or something similar.

But either way, moving on.

Around springtime I quit the job at the thrift store. He had a job as a janitor for the school district, paid well but he never really liked the job. Working with a lot of old pompous men who thought they owned the world simply because they had been doing the same shitty job for 20 years. At the point of being unemployed, I became really down. I felt unproductive, borrowing money from my mom for things I needed, it was ridiculously hard to find a job. This continued until mid-summer of this year, until my friend Lizzie's boyfriend hooked me up with a job at his work (which we all know I love to death now).

Andrew and I, our relationship had still been depleting. He would sometimes hang out with his cousins and go hang out, no worries of making me upset and trying to avoid fights, which is probably what kept us going as long as we did. Me on the other hand, being a constant homebody, still sat around at home and rarely did anything with friends.

And of course we ended up breaking up, this happened in August. He moved in with some girl from Myspace, told me it was his aunt and uncle's house, etc... Not much drama in this situation, just a sadness that I had never seen before. Him trying to pretend he was getting over us, me being desperate to find some sort of connection with him instead of anyone else.

We got back together, he couldn't handle her anymore and he eventually admitted he missed me too much. We planned to live here together until we both could save up enough money to go to Oregon together, his plan to go back to Oregon, with the one he loved, was finally set in stone.

So. In a year, I have lost and gained many things. Lost some pets, some sanity, a lot of time. Gained some insight into how to make myself better, a plan for what I want to do at least short-term, a new kind of calm. Andrew and I are wonderful now, we've had no fights, we are learning not to take out our stress or anger on each other. We have learned to give space when needed, not to badger each other, and to appreciate each other more, even for the little things.

So I guess that's it. Just a quick re-cap for anyone who cares to read.
Nothing too exciting, I just felt like getting it out there since I haven't for awhile.