4 posts tagged “work”

So I was supposed to work today from 8:30 to 4:00. My alarm didn't go off, my body automatically woke me up, but not early enough to get to work on time. I woke up at 8:34. So I curse, get up, blindly put on clothes, rush to get ready, I get downstairs and realize it's already 8:40-something and that it's Saturday. I am going to be virtually alone at work. No one to give me a ride to lunch and I have nothing at home that I can take. So I call in, despite my amazing streak of being on time and being there every scheduled day for more than a month. I felt really bad, shit, still do. But we are pretty much completely caught up on work, and someone can take over that anyway. But I still feel really bad. I do love my job to death, I just couldn't make myself go today. I have been exhausted all week for reasons unknown and I just really needed my weekend a little early. I will call in on Monday when it's my scheduled off day and ask if they need me to come in, so I can make up for this day. Sheesh. I hate days like this. I hope the rest of it goes better than the beginning of it.

I realized I am long overdue for some reflection... Nothing too deep, I don't feel like writing a novel, but just something, more of a reference for me to think about all the things that have happened...

So, since this time last year, a lot has changed. At this time last year, Andrew was in Portland. I would receive a few messages from him a day at the least, telling me how he was house-hopping because the girl who offered him a home only said that to get him closer to her, and then she gave up on it all because he wasn't the type of person to be controlled. She wanted a relationship, and apparently assumed that him moving to Portland was to be with her, when that was never the plan on his part. So he was house-hopping, staying with complete strangers that she set up for him, a mobile home, a couch, a garage, etc. Eventually he found an amazing friend who I owe everything to for saving Andrew and keeping him safe, Shawn. He gave him a home to stay in, even though it was already full, he opened his doors to Andrew, kept him sane, kept him company, and kept him stable.

At that point in time I wanted Andrew back. Relationship-wise and back in California, because I knew he had no money there, and it was hard for him to get a life started out there when he went out there with 14 dollars in his pocket. I knew at this point he was probably safe, but he would never get anything started like that, being so unsure, feeling like he was taking up space, etc.

So anyhow, after that, in November, he moved back. And things were wonderful, for awhile. I was working at the thrift store, and we were doing just fine, hanging out together as much as we could, etc.

Drama and trouble started around new years, a tension grew and we were always on edge with each other. From then on it went downhill, we would have our moments of good and the overpowering times of bad. We fought a lot, constantly disagreed on everything, etc. I'm not sure why it went so bad, maybe because we spent too much time together and not enough with other people, or something similar.

But either way, moving on.

Around springtime I quit the job at the thrift store. He had a job as a janitor for the school district, paid well but he never really liked the job. Working with a lot of old pompous men who thought they owned the world simply because they had been doing the same shitty job for 20 years. At the point of being unemployed, I became really down. I felt unproductive, borrowing money from my mom for things I needed, it was ridiculously hard to find a job. This continued until mid-summer of this year, until my friend Lizzie's boyfriend hooked me up with a job at his work (which we all know I love to death now).

Andrew and I, our relationship had still been depleting. He would sometimes hang out with his cousins and go hang out, no worries of making me upset and trying to avoid fights, which is probably what kept us going as long as we did. Me on the other hand, being a constant homebody, still sat around at home and rarely did anything with friends.

And of course we ended up breaking up, this happened in August. He moved in with some girl from Myspace, told me it was his aunt and uncle's house, etc... Not much drama in this situation, just a sadness that I had never seen before. Him trying to pretend he was getting over us, me being desperate to find some sort of connection with him instead of anyone else.

We got back together, he couldn't handle her anymore and he eventually admitted he missed me too much. We planned to live here together until we both could save up enough money to go to Oregon together, his plan to go back to Oregon, with the one he loved, was finally set in stone.

So. In a year, I have lost and gained many things. Lost some pets, some sanity, a lot of time. Gained some insight into how to make myself better, a plan for what I want to do at least short-term, a new kind of calm. Andrew and I are wonderful now, we've had no fights, we are learning not to take out our stress or anger on each other. We have learned to give space when needed, not to badger each other, and to appreciate each other more, even for the little things.

So I guess that's it. Just a quick re-cap for anyone who cares to read.
Nothing too exciting, I just felt like getting it out there since I haven't for awhile.

That's how long I have been gone, away from this website. It's been a busy week, I am sorry.

Anyhow, the bank is holding my second check deposited, I freaked out and called the bank and I guess they hold any checks I deposit for the first 30 days of being a new customer. I freaked because the lady initially told me, when I deposited my FIRST check, that they ONLY hold the first check. So she's an idiot. But I forgive her. But anyhow I have no money, or access to no money, I should say. It's really lame, and really embarassing to try and charge something on my card, have it said DECLINED when I was only charging 6 dollars, and then have to ask a friend to pay for me so I don't starve to death on my lunch break. I really don't like Washington Mutual.

Besides that... Work has been slow, they have been giving me three-day weekends for two weeks now, which means less money and that makes me sad. But I guess it means more relaxing time and more time to spend with family/friends/etc. I just can't wait for early November when things start picking up and they start having us work 10 hour days and 12 hour days, 6 days a week, that will mean I will be rolling in moneybags. Theoretically.

And uhhhh. Crap I just remembered I have a 140 dollar phone bill to pay. Hence the reason I am never texting anyone anymore. I GET CHARGED FOR TEXTS RECEIVED? The financial world is apparently against me.

On a brighter note, I got my Firefly DVD set in the mail and I am saving the very last episode to watch at a later date. Because once I watch that one, I will have watched every single episode ever made and ever TO BE made, and that will mean it's over. I am holding off on the end until I have to watch it. On a slightly disgusting note, look at my previous entry before this one. I said I almost wanted River and Simon (siblings) to get together, but oh man. Last night I found an online written RPG for Firefly that is based on sex, and someone wrote a story about Simon and River doing the nasty and it was really disturbing, I decided I don't want them to have a sexual relationship or dating relationship. They are better as siblings. Honestly the last thing I needed to read before bed was "River, open your legs..." and then have dreams about it. Which I did. Thanks.

Uhh I guess that's it. I will try to be more prompt with updating, I felt sad to be away so long.
Hope you're well.

Oh man, thanks to Mike I found this amazing place. I still need to figure out the details of how to work it all, but I think I am getting the hang of it. I liiiike it.

And um, as for life itself, the past three weeks have been the most insane weeks ever probably. Not as much drama as expected, but dang did life change drastically. Basically the love of my life left me, moved in with a new girl, then realized it was a mistake, came back home, and I am whole again. I might be moving to Oregon early next year, but we still have to work the bugs out of that, too.

My mom's been in Denver for a week and it's crazy how much things are different when you're in a house alone for a week. I even had to take my dog to work with me coz there was no one to watch him, and THAT was crazy. Haha. I didn't realize a small little terrier/chiuahuahua mix would scare the crap out of some people. Haha.

And ummm, I went vegetarian for about three weeks too, but got a nasty case of the flu with an average of 104 fever and that snapped me out of it. I don't know if the lack of meat caused it or not, but I'm betting it had something to do with it. I don't think an anemic person with an already bad immune system needs to cut protein out of their diet. Haha. So I'm back to the meat, and man oh man, is it treating me well. I felt better immediately. Yes.

SO, I will write more later. I have a lot of stories to tell, but for now I am going to make this thang pretty best I can.
HI MIKE, THANK YOU!